Sunday, January 29, 2006

whew... close call.

i was supposed to get a bath tonight but after mommy took a long shower, we are out of hot water for the night.

which is good for me because... you probably know how much i hate baths.

still no batteries for the camera... therefore no pictures of me. or mommy's pretty purple halter top that she crocheted! it's adorable! she is in the process of making a teal one, as well as her first afghan! she got this really soft poofy yarn that feels so good... i always lay on it when mommy takes a break and she gets mad.

cyrus, tell your parents to bring you over to our house when they come over! we could have so much fun!! and you can hump me as much as you want! as long as baxter doesn't find out...

Thursday, January 26, 2006

i have tagged myself from minou... i am going to do 10 weird things about me, because i am extremely strange...

10 weird things about me
  1. after i give mommy "tisses", i smack my lips together and move my jaw up and down. mommy thinks it's just the funniest thing in the world because you can see my little bottom teeth sticking out while i do it.
  2. i have an obsession with licking mommy's left armpit. not the right one. i do this to wake her up every morning when i need to go outside.
  3. when i don't get my way, i will make funny growling/howling/whining noises and go pout in the corner. i keep my eyes on mommy at all times just so she knows how upset i am.
  4. i watch tv and move my ears up and down when different people on the tv talk.
  5. like minou, i do not eat my food out of my bowl. i will take a piece (or a few) and carry them in my mouth to the middle of the living room floor. i set them down and play with them for awhile before i kill them and eat them.
  6. i grunt when i poop and stare at mommy the entire time.
  7. for some weird reason, i feel that i need to chew on my bone right on the edge of the couch. therefore, i drop it on the floor about every 10 seconds. when that happens, i will sit there and stare at it until someone picks it back up for me.
  8. i love beer: if someone is drinking beer, i will get up in their face and try to lick it off their mouth.
  9. or i will dig in the trash whenever someone throws away a beer can to try and get it.
  10. when i hear bathwater running, i automatically assume that it is for me and i hide behind the couch for at least half an hour.
i'm freaking weird.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

i hate winter.

it has been snowing on and off all day and i can't stand it. i walk on my tip-toes whenever mommy takes me outside because it's so cold.

it's nice and warm in here, though... mommy has the heat on full blast.

good news and bad news... last night, after a 2 hour phone conversation with her supposed "friends", mommy has decided to take a 3-month break from everyone. they are driving her crazy.

she says if she's not around them, then they can't make up stories and rumours about what mommy "says".

this is good news for me because, mommy will be here all the time! bad news, mommy is a little depressed about it.

but she is still going to hang out with her girlfriends... just none of her friends associated with daddy. they always take his side anyway...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

this post is more for aunt kenzie than anyone else...

aunt kenzie, mommy says if you show this or even mention it to gramma OR pappaw, she will kill you.

she realizes that we will probably get kicked out of the house that we are living in for free because of this.

daddy did it.

Friday, January 20, 2006

mommy is sick.

she has toilet paper hanging out of her nose and i am extremely confused. it's a pretty crappy fashion statement, if that is what she's trying to do.

mmm... i love snot.

earlier mommy tried to light a cigarette with the toilet paper hanging out of her nose. it caught on fire and mommy was screaming and running around and trying to blow it out of her nose so she wouldn't have to grab ahold of where it was burning.

it was like an america's funniest home video moment, for sure. mommy can't believe how stupid she was to do something like that... i guess being sick makes you retarded.

she is laughing about it now, though... and wishes someone would've been here to see it and laugh with her, because i didn't see the humor in the situation. i was barking and howling and freaking out, running laps around the house until i was sure mommy was okay. she thanked me for my help.

moving on... since mommy has been real sick, she has done nothing but crochet. she's made a few more things. check out her crochet blog... she also got her first knitting lesson from gramma kirkbride last night! she thinks she is going to like doing it once she learns how. probably not as much as crochet, but... we'll see.

mommy says it's time for me to go outside. i might write another post later, if mommy does anything else stupid enough for me to tell the world...

Thursday, January 19, 2006

mommy came home tonight with a big bag of yarn...

i hope it's not for another stupid sweater.

mommy is finished with her first placemat... but will not have enough of the same yarn to finish the 2nd. she has to go all the way to zanesville (like an hour away!) to get the yarn to finish the project. and god only knows when that will be...

i saw gramma today! she came down to pick mommy up and they went out to eat with pappaw and aunt kenzie. i was upset because mommy didn't bring me anything home but, i chewed on a pair of her socks while she was gone so i guess i wouldn't have deserved it anyway.

today there was a knock at the door and it was these two old people who were lost. they were taking a hike on one of the trails around here and got confused, and were about 7 miles from where they were supposed to be! daddy gave them a ride, and got 10 dollars out of it! mommy about peed her pants.

daddy gave it to her to buy anything she wanted... cigarettes or gas or whatever... and she ended up blowing it all on yarn. AND NOTHING FOR EMMI! i mean, come on! i helped out too! i jumped all over the old people while they were on the porch to keep them out of the house... because they would probably end up getting mommy's floor all dirty with their muddy shoes. i am so considerate.

gosh, it seems like it's been forever since i've posted a picture of me, so here's one... just something random.

awww, look... i'm sleeping... and you can see my toofies! too cute...
daddy got home at about 3:30 in the morning last night...

mommy was pretty upset.

so tonight we tried the "party" thing again... only 2 of daddy's friends showed up... only one drank beer... and they both ate the entire big pot of chili that pappaw made for mommy.

mommy kept telling them not to eat it all... one bowl apiece because that is the only food we have in this house until daddy gets paid on friday...

they each ate 3 bowls... they wouldn't listen to mommy and daddy never said anything to them.

you know... because... he was the one that offered it to them!

mommy was crying... one of daddy's friends said "what? it's not a big deal! it's just food!"

and mommy went off...

i can't quite remember all she said... most of it was profanity that i am not allowed to say...

it was something along the lines of ".... it's just FOOD to someone that HAS food! when you don't have ANY food, it's pretty important!"

atleast i always have food... i think that very well may be one of the reasons why mommy can't afford to feed herself.

enough of this sad crap... i'm starting to get upset.

mommy is crocheting placemats for our table. she is almost done with the first one... made it a little too short for the width, but it will be okay. it's really cute.

her camera batteries are dead so she can't take any pictures of me or the crochet... bummer.


Wednesday, January 18, 2006

2:08 and daddy is still not home.

and he won't answer MOMMY'S cell phone that she generously lets him take with him when he goes to work.
mommy is crying.

it's like new years' eve all over again... she spent all day cleaning, making food... blah blah blah... for this BIG PARTY that was supposed to happen tonight and...

no one is coming.


daddy was supposed to be home by 11 and it is 1:16 in the morning... his "friend" mike keeps telling mommy that he is going to kill her, and he's going to show up at our house one day while daddy isn't home to do it.

and daddy isn't home right now... mommy is scared.

and WHY does he want to kill her, you ask? because mommy "took daddy away" from him!


i'm going to go comfort mommy and then wait at the door for daddy to get home... we sure are lonely around here.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

here's a joke that AUNT KENZIE told mommy...

aunt kenzie wanted to make sure that she got all the credit for it. :-)

me: how do you fit a fat woman into a thong?

you: how?

me: take the F out of fat, and take the F out of way.


mommy's blogs...

Kaylee Crochets!
Kaylee Knits, Too!
pictures of my first sweater...

it's not on my body the way it is supposed to be... it needs to be pulled up on my shoulders quite a bit but mommy's camera batteries were about to go dead so she didn't have time to mess with it.

again... it needs to be pulled up a bit... i freaking hate it... but mommy got rid of all the threads hanging down everywhere, so now i have nothing to pull on to try and get it off me.

mommy says she can't wait until she learns to knit! then she can make me real pretty sweaters... well that's great... just great...

Monday, January 16, 2006


and this time mommy got them before i had to chance to swallow them again.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

i'm having a bad hair day...
mommy finished my sweater.

i hate it.

she made me try it on and i kept biting at the sleeves.

she says she needs to add another tummy strap towards the back of my belly so the sweater won't look all flared out at my butt. mommy is too un-experienced to make a whole sweater that goes around my entire body.


i hope she screws up and ruins it.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

ugh... i'm not feeling so good...

perhaps it's because i ATE MY PUKE.

yes, that could be it.

that is so freaking disgusting... but, if you want to read all about the whole little incident, scroll down.
remember the other day, when i said i finally pooped out the panties?

well... i was wrong.

i just threw them up about 10 minutes ago on the living room floor.

it was disgusting... it was HUGE. like a washcloth all bunched up. mommy was flipping out.

i must've not thought it was that disgusting, because when mommy went to go get a paper towel, i ate them again.

i don't think mommy has ever been this upset with me before. she keeps crying and yelling at me and telling me how stupid i was for eating the panties again. i think she is really worried about the whole situation. it can't be healthy...

i think mommy is praying that i will throw them up again, and she will have time to hurry and pick them up before they go "down the hatch"...

i went to gramma's today.

i was a baaaad girl... first i tried to kill sami, who is 10 times bigger than me, mind you. then i pooped on pappaw's bed up by his pillows.

shhh... don't tell him. mommy and gramma changed the sheets real quick so he wouldn't know.

then... i peed on the floor next to pappaw's bed... boy, was mommy mad at me!

baxter was acting a little distant today. he didn't try to hump me or anything... he was lying on the couch and i tried to lay next to him and he got mad and made me get down. i was so depressed, i went and pouted under the dining room table.

when we came home, mommy got real upset because our house smelled like old nasty food or something. she says it's daddy's fault because his one and only job around the house is to take out the trash.

we have bags and bags of it just sitting in the kitchen.

mommy doesn't want to get mice in here so she's decided to do the job herself... that is the only way it will ever get done.

she's also upset because she is receiving "death threats" from one of daddy's "friends"... not sure what that means... but i am scared for her because she is scared.

mommy doesn't want to be here by herself anymore... which is tough, because daddy is gone at work for about 8 hours a day, and it's always night time. mommy keeps telling him to put his "friend" in his place...

but men just do NOT listen.

someone please come here and take care of my mommy and give her some company.

and take the freaking trash out, while you're at it.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

this is mommy's big white cabinet that sits at the end of the hallway, where the washer and dryer should be, if we had a washer and dryer...

thank god for gramma...

mommy wants to know if anyone has any sugguestions of what she could put on top of it. the hallway just looks so blank because she hasn't had to chance to paint it yet.

and look at our little nightlight... it's a tiny purse!!
i'm pouting.

big time.

mommy just spanked my butt because i ate daddy's guitar pick... tasted like crap but looked good at the time.

i think i finally pooped out the panties. daddy took me outside this morning and told mommy that it was kind of funny looking... i think that's what it was. mommy is going to keep checking though, just in case.

mommy has decided to only post her crochet projects on her blog... i guess two blogs is a lot of keep up with when you have to type for a dog...

i heard mention of gramma coming over later! she's bringing mommy something to eat... we're freaking starving over here.

tonight mommy says she will be doing a lot of cleaning. daddy sure has the place a mess... mommy is trying to "train" him to put things away when you're done with them! but he's a man... he will never learn.

minou, i hope you learn to like birdie!! i'm sure you will. it took baxter a long time to warm up to me though. he was an "only child" for 5 years until i came along. i think he was a bit traumatized...

i sure wish i had a little brother or a sister... mommy hopes that gramma and pappaw will come around to the idea once she gets a job and will be able to pay for the shots... food... blah blah blah... but i don't know.

i'm going to go bug mommy until she takes me outside... it is sooo warm today!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

i hate mommy.

she is eating chips and won't give me any...

ooh! there's one.

okay i'm good now.

well, let's see... i've had a pretty good day so far. daddy didn't have to leave for work until 4 so i got to spend a good bit of time with him before he left. i hate it when he leaves, though... i'm stuck here with this psycho i like to refer to as "mommy". all she ever does anymore is crochet and take pictures of me... and i've had about enough of that. ugh...

i still haven't pooped out the panties yet... mommy is starting to worry.

i mean, i'm pooping, but the panties haven't came out with it. what is going on here??

hey minou! how does your mommy make those buttons you have on your blog? does she have like a special program she uses to do it or what? let me know!!

Monday, January 09, 2006

mommy made me a matching wristband to go with the collar/necklace.

i guess it's for those days i decide go to the gym...
look at this!!

it's my new collar! it only took mom like 10 minutes to make... but she's not giving herself a big pat on the back... it was a pretty small/easy project. i think it's really pretty. i like the colors.

she's going to start on another one here in a minute. it's going to be a bit thinner, and she's going to take her time on hooking the ends together. this one is a bit sloppy.

i was feeling a bit "bitchy", so i didn't turn and look at the camera. daddy just left to go to gramma kirkbride's to pick up some laundry. i'm pretty upset about it.

mom is thinking about making a blog just to show her crochet projects, and her "journey" of learning the art. let us know what you think of the collar. mommy is pretty proud of herself!
mom broke one of her nails all ready. she's pretty upset about it because it cost $40 to get them done, and she doesn't know how much they'll charge her to fix one. probably some ridiculous price, i'm sure.

she's a little confused right now because she wants to start a new crochet project (preferably not another scarf), but doesn't know what to do. there's not much she can do until she learns how to read the patterns... if anyone has any suggestions for an easy project, let us know!!

she thinks that she might start making me a doggie collar/necklace thingee. it probably shouldn't take very long.

oh, and cyrus! tell your mom that she will get her scarf after mommy goes to the crochet classes. she wants to learn some new stitching techniques before she makes another one.
i haven't pooped the panties out yet. just to let you know.
mommy's second project is finished! scarf number two!!

starting in february, mom is going to go to these knitting and crochet classes for beginners. she's a little nervous, though... learning to knit and crochet at the same time?? sounds a little confusing... the classes are only 2 hours apiece, every wednesday.

i mean... is that enough time to learn both? the crochet part, mom's all ready got the basics down. she just needs to learn some of the different stitches, how to read patterns... blah blah blah... de nada.

now, as far as knitting goes... mommy is clueless, but... she'll learn.

another picture of the scarf...

and here's one of me after my bath tonight...

yes, i know... that's the second one this week!! mom forced me into the tub again because i was over at gramma kirkbride's tonight playing with jodi... and i was covered in her slobber... ick.

mommy says that i have little chihuahua legs after i get a bath because my whole body is poofy except for my legs. (no offense, minou! they look much better on you than me, girlfriend!)

Sunday, January 08, 2006

oops, i did it again...

today was a very depressing day...

mommy and daddy left me and went shopping. it seemed like they were gone forever!! gramma came down to the house and let me outside though, so at least i got a little bit of company. she didn't stay very long...

finally... mama got home!! daddy was carrying a bunch of bags so i thought it would just try and jump into one of them. didn't work. i fell on the floor and mommy was laughing at me. stupid mommy.

i guess they got a few things at the mall, then went to olive garden to eat! i have no idea what olive garden is, but they brought home some leftovers and they smelled gooood... i don't think i get any though... most likely not.

they went to olive garden to celebrate their anniversary (which was actually a month ago...). mommy said she had a real good time. she was going to try and get the waitress to serve her some wine, but didn't figure that she'd get away with it... so she didn't even attempt it. daddy drank by himself and mommy got a few tastes.

mom acted a little disappointed about the shopping trip, though. she said that aeropostale and american eagle had nothing worth buying! she was so upset! the only article of clothing that she bought today was a cute tank top from aeropostale, on the clearance rack i might add... it is a pretty plum color.

mommy also got some nose rings. $7.99 for a pack of five. not a bad deal. they just pop right in and aren't annoying as sin like those stupid nose screws she used to wear... and then she got a pack of crochet hooks, in different sizes, and some yarn. she is almost finished with her second scarf. it should be done within a matter of hours, so if she feels like it, i'm sure she will take a picture and post it on here.

daddy got some shirts... but they don't fit. gosh, hasn't anyone ever heard of trying things on before you buy them?? i guess not... mommy said they were in a bit of a rush.

so that was mommy and daddy's day... mine consisted of sleeping/pouting in the little room between the hallway and the bedroom. i'm not allowed in the bedroom or the living room anymore when mommy and daddy aren't here because i've peed on the carpet SIX TIMES in the past two days. mommy has no idea why i'm doing this because before thursday, i'd never peed in this house before. not once.

i'm just keeping that my little secret.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

wow... it seems like it's been so long since i've posted on here! but i have good reason...

mommy has been sick. and i can't turn the computer on by myself...

it's mom's own fault that she got sick, though... she and daddy had a little get-together the other night here at the house, and mommy had a little too much to drink... i felt so bad for her. i even tried to hold her hair back for her when her head was in the toilet... but i just ended up scratching her back all up and making her cry.

here is a picture of her at the party...

mommy does not remember this picture being taken... she also does not remember why she's in a bikini... and wearing sunglasses.

eww. look at her belly rolls.

she is feeling much better now. thank goodness... all the attention was on her the whole next day, and i was feeling a bit left out.

but enough about mom... she's boring anyway. scroll down to see pictures of me, emmi lou!
i'm sure everyone knows by now how much i hate baths...

i thought mommy knew, but apparently... she didn't.

okay... let's get this over with...

how humiliating...

watch the eyes, mom!

mmm... shampoo...

lemme out!!

oh god... more embarassment...

oohh... so warm...

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

has anyone been watching days of our lives? this is outrageous!! stupid chelsea/georgia...

but on a happier note, mom and i got to drool over john black today. sooo glad he was on there. ohh lordy lordy...


mommy has started a new scarf. it's a lot longer than the other one, and will hopefully not look as sloppy when it's done. she's really going to take her time this time around.

the colors are very pretty.

she went to walmart last night and got the yarn. she also got this pink/purple color that she's planning on making me a sweater with. gramma kirkbride is going to help her, of course. we may even go there tonight. i sure hope so... then i will get to see jodi!! this is going to be fun.

mommy also went to the mall last night and got her nails done. i love them! it feels so good when she scratches my belly... even better than it did before!

here is the yarn she's going to be using for my sweater.

eww... look at our ugly green carpet. mommy hates it. and it needs swept.

mom's really been slacking off with the cleaning around here. she feels that it's daddy's turn to do it every once in a while.

what?? trying to get a man to clean? you've got to be kidding me... that will never happen.

i'll get the windex, mom.
finally! mommy's first crocheting project is finished! she is a little shy to post pictures of it on my blog, though. she's scared people will laugh because it's not very good.

haaa haaa haaa!

there mom, i did it for them all. no need to be nervous now...

there you go.

keep in mind this scarf is mama's first thing she's ever tried hooking. she didn't make it from reading a pattern, either. she just went by what she thought would be the right way... so... therefore, it probably isn't right. but who cares...

mommy obviously doesn't care. she's very proud of herself for making this... thing.

the only thing left to do is iron out the fringe and blah, blah, blah. it's all so boring to me.

here i am trying to bite the stupid thing.

and here i am looking like a seriously disturbed bat with a snaggletooth, or something.

and here i am sweepin'. ohh, so soft...

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

i've had about enough of this crocheting crap.

it's all mommy's been doing lately. she started a new scarf tonight (at about 8:00), and has been working on it nonstop until just now! and it's freaking midnight! it's driving me nuts. she's not paying any attention to me at all and i hate it. so i keep jumping up on the couch and laying on the yarn so she can't get any of it.

i've done that about 50 times now.

here i am, pouting on the couch next to mommy's "project". when she went to the bathroom, i jumped up on the couch and stole her seat so she would have to pay attention to me.

mommy keeps laughing at me because she knows i'm doing all this on purpose. what can i say? i hate not being the center of attention.

hopefully all the crocheting is about done for tonight. mommy says she's going to add a row or two more to the scarf, add some fringe, and she's done. she hasn't the slightest idea on how to do the fringe though. was she supposed to do that before she was done with all the hooking?

she's just going to do what looks halfway right.

actually, she doesn't really have the slightest idea what she's doing altogether.

she doesn't know how to read crochet patterns or anything like that. she's just been doing what she thinks will look right when it's finished.

she's not really too concerned since this is her first project. hopefully things will get to looking better as time passes.

but not if i can help it.

Monday, January 02, 2006

turns out new years' wasn't so bad after all. it still kinda sucked though. it was just me, mommy, daddy, and their friend jessi. yeah, not much of a party. but mommy and jessi drank enough for a party of 30.

here they are, looking a little silly. mommy laughs everytime she looks at this picture because jess has such a funny look on her face.

and here's mommy and daddy. mommy laughs even harder at this one... daddy has the weirdest look on his face. well, i guess they both do... this picture was taken at about 7 in the morning.

what a night... i mostly slept, or ate... or slept some more. it was fun watching mommy do silly things though... i don't know why she gets all weird like that.